January 2024

The Dirty Gerund Poetry Show is a weekly open mic at Ralph's Rock Diner on Grove Street in Worcester. I am the house band leader and a regular performer. Any and all are welcome to sign up to express themselves creatively with this loving and supportive community. Open mic list goes up at 8pm, the show starts at 9pm.

Current Creative Endeavors + In Reflection:

Fun Guy Makes Cheesy Bread

During the black hole week between Christmas and New Years, I took a trip down memory lane; it started and ended on my living room couch. To begin, I laid back and closed my eyes, allowing myself to sink into my own mind. I saw my childhood bedroom first, and traveled through the rest of the house. I was a kid again, and I asked myself what I wanted to do. My first instinct was to find my dad and hug him tightly (g'day dad! looking forward to our next hug). Since I couldn't complete that task, I took a different approach.

It's early Saturday morning, I'm 7 years old, and my parents are still asleep. My normal routine: head downstairs, microwave some cheese and bread, and watch cartoons on Kids WB. I didn't have any bread to microwave, but I did have buttermilk, enough to make a batch of cheesy biscuits. I got up from my couch and made my way to the kitchen and began the process.

As I was preparing my dry and wet ingredients, I began to think about my family traditions, specifically the lack thereof. Holidays were tough for us, and as a child they were my least favorite time of year. That's changed for me now, as an adult, and I've begun to enjoy Christmas again. But we never had any traditions. I combined my drys with my wets and folded in the cheese. If I want traditions, I'll just have to start them myself. These cheesy biscuits are my answer. What makes a tradition is if I do it every year - so I will do it every year!

After the biscuits went in the oven, I set to cleaning up the mess I made. Dishes, wiping counters down, and sweeping. As I scrubbed and rinsed, I thought about my mom. Every night after school, I would wolf down my dinner and run up to my room to stay there for the rest of the evening. I was always curious as to what my mom was doing in the kitchen after dinner, but my urge to not be around her was much stronger than that wonder. As I wiped the crumbs off my counter, I wished that she would have asked me to help her clean the kitchen after dinner; not only would it have instilled good habits in me, it would also give us the opportunity to spend some quality time with each other, and maybe our relationship wouldn't have been as tumultuous. I took the biscuits out of the oven, turned it off, and continued to clean up.

I did a deeper clean to ensure I had nothing to worry about once I sat down on my couch to eat. I already knew which cartoon I was going to watch: Teen Titans (the original from 2003, NOT the new one). I intentionally chose Season 2 Episode 7, the first episode that I had ever seen. Andrew, my partner, and Morris, my great big orange cat, joined me with blankets, and I allowed myself to simply sit in the joy that I curated. It’s rare that I feel child-like in a positive way, and I savored the moment like I savored my oven-fresh biscuit, one bite at a time.

I used to think that I didn't know myself, that I was still figuring it all out. But as I swam around in my mind while laid up on my couch, it occurred to me that I do know myself, and that I've always had a solid understanding; what I had trouble with was coming across as such to others. Due to my outward appearance and the assumptions and biases that folks in our media-dominated society have developed, it was even more difficult to be understood. As I grew older, I found friends that allowed me the space to express myself, and built community with them; the siblings I never had. Each friend brought out different aspects of my personality, no two relationships were alike. Only just now am I realizing that it's incredibly valid to define myself by my relationships with others. I love my partner, I love my dad, I adore every friend I've made, old and new. I am who I love, and I love who I am! My community is everything to me, and they are the reason I am so successful.

As a gift to my subscribers, I've included my cheesy biscuit recipe. They’re super quick and easy to make and modify. I already can't wait for next Christmas to honor my new yearly tradition. Thanks for being here with me, and I'll seeya in the New Year!

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